


Do You Want Zombies With That?

by Autumnspice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Genre: Crackfic AU, Crossover If You Squint, F/M, Inspired by general Adam silliness, McTavish vibes for good measure, Post-The Dead Don't Die, There be zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 23:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumnspice/pseuds/Autumnspice
Summary: Ronnie Peterson tries to make a new life after the Centerville madness. He's got a couple kids and an ex-wife/former co-worker now. Enter Rey onto the scene to add some spice to the mix.





	Do You Want Zombies With That?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my amazing support team: Situation-normal and Save-Ben-Swolo on Tumblr! This fic was requested by Asalookslikeloki after the crazy silly clip of Adam in the Smartcar hit the internet. LOL Enjoy!

Mindy leaned her ass up against the driver’s side passenger door of her black Toyota Highlander and huffed as she punched her thumbs angrily at the screen of the new iPhone in her hand.

 

Where the fuck was he? It was Ronnie’s scheduled pickup day for their kids—fifteen-year-old Jasmine, and ten-year-old Max—and he was already an hour late for his weekend visitation.

 

Before she could finish sending him another scathing text, a ridiculous-looking red Smart car convertible with silver detailing and the top folded down pulled up cautiously behind her SUV in the street. She looked up from glaring at her phone, feeling her eye and mouth twitch simultaneously. He looked like a joke stuffed into that tiny excuse for a car. As much as Mindy tried to recall what she ever saw in the older man blocking her driveway, she couldn’t do it. It seemed like a far away dream, or nightmare, when she did reminisce about getting together with the dorky, pessimistic tree of a police officer. They had literally believed they were the last ones on Earth during the aftermath of a zombie invasion which, she supposed, was as good an explanation for their ill-fated relationship as any. It was the stuff of bad late night television, not real life. 

 

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as they stared at each other for what felt like eternity, perhaps both revisiting their horror filled past. Ronnie, for all intents and purposes, looked just as nerdy and awkward as when they had been married after leaving the apocalyptic chaos of Centerville to move closer to civilization. His hair had grown out some to graze his shoulders, but otherwise, he looked the same. His fashion sense had certainly not improved, and he still wore those horn-rimmed glasses she always hated. The weird roller-skate car was new, and just as laughable as anything he ever did.

 

“Um… Sorry, I was stuck in traffic. It was a l—"

 

Mindy turned to go inside, ignoring him as she rolled her eyes, her high heels clacking on the concrete. Jasmine ran out with her Kylo Ren backpack and a lavender duffle bag that she stuffed in the joke of a backseat, before settling in the front passenger seat, squealing happily about finally being out of prison. Max, on the other hand, whined as Mindy led him out of the mini-mansion by the scruff of his t-shirt, berating him as they marched along for being a brat and adding that she didn’t have time for his bullshit.

 

“But Moooooom!! I don’t want to go! It’s so boring there, and there’s no Fortnite.”

 

Ronnie steeled his expression into an indifferent mask. Or at least he tried to. It certainly wasn’t his fault that his son didn’t want to be close to him as a pre-teen, but it still made him feel horrible. It didn’t help that their relationship became even more difficult recently since his ex-wife remarried and moved in with a pompous, rich asshole, intent on taking his place as Max’s father.

 

His kids began arguing while Jasmine got out and pulled the seat as far forward as it would go so Max could work on cramming himself in the backseat, he tuned them out and tried, again, to start a conversation with Mindy. Under any other circumstance, he would be overly attentive and rattle off that they needed to get along and behave.

 

“Five pm sharp on Sunday. You know they have school the next day.” She wasn’t even looking at him anymore as she turned on her heel to get in her own vehicle and go wherever she was dressed so fancy for. He wasn’t used to seeing her dressed so extravagantly. Mindy had changed so much since their divorce, especially after marrying Hunter. God, what an asshole. 

 

One brow raised, Ronnie tightened his already vice-like grip on the steering wheel, knuckles white, and counted to ten in his head as he started the engine to drive toward the city where he lived in a modest two-bedroom apartment. He had a new job as head of security for a local university in New York City. It had been a stressful transition, and he was ready to relax over the weekend and enjoy his kids’ company.

 

Glancing in the rear-view mirror, he saw that his son was gazing out the passenger window, earbuds in place and a bored scowl on his face. His daughter, Jasmine, was excitedly chattering away about her recent accomplishments at school and an upcoming softball home game she was pitching for; thrilled to have someone who appreciated her company outside of her circle of school friends.

 

“I could help you...practice.” Ronnie looked over at her as long as he could without risking their safety on the road. She had his chocolate eyes, her mother’s blonde hair, done up in a French twisted braid, and unfortunately had been cursed with his large ears and nose. Max, on the other hand, looked like Mindy, except for the mop of dark hair that he refused to let his mother tame.

 

“I—” Ronnie raked his fingers through his silky, dark chocolate locks out of nervous habit to calm himself, before reaching for a packet of gum somewhere in the side pocket of the door. “—um, I played Little League as a kid, and I remember stuff that isn’t too far off from softball. If you wanted to.”

 

God, why were his palms sweating? He shouldn’t be this nervous. These were his own kids, for fuck’s sake.

 

“That would be great, dad!”

 

His chest swelled with pride. At least one of his offspring wanted something to do with him. As they entered the city limits, he was already itching for a beer or bourbon or something.

 

He was going to need it to get through the weekend with Max—that was what he told himself—he was  _ not _ an alcoholic.

 

No way.

 

Not even close.

 

It was a useful tool, and he could stop when it no longer served a purpose. He’d started drinking to forget Mindy and the hell that was the zombie takeover back in Centerville. He used it now to dull the bouts of anxiety and panic he couldn’t seem to shake while trying to carve out a normal existence in the aftermath.

 

At least he was sober on the job and on the road. That had to count for something.

 

They were nearing his apartment complex and Ronnie pulled the car into the lot of the local supermarket. He was already prepared to hear more whining from Max as Jasmine hopped out and yelled at her brother to move. This time he was quick to stop their bickering and they quietly followed him inside the store. He was set to purchase alcohol for himself, whatever sodas the kids liked, junk food to last the weekend and a stack of pizzas from the delivery spot next door.

 

The three of them sat on the long vinyl-padded bench in the pizza joint, waiting for their order to be called. Ronnie felt the phone in his back pocket vibrate as it chimed. He pulled it out to see who could be texting him. Hopefully not another diatribe from Mindy.

 

**Rey: We’re still on for tonight right? 7:30?**

 

He sat up straighter, his attention focused on the text.  “Fucking shit!” he cursed out loud. Ronnie had decided to start fresh with a new identity after his divorce.  

 

Jasmine was shocked at the outburst. Swearing normally didn’t faze her, but hearing it come from her father was something else entirely. “Dad! Language!”

 

Max, on the other hand, was seemingly impressed for once. “Go, dad!” he whooped, which earned the boy a slap on the back of his head from his sister and a warning side-eyed glare from his father. In addition to startled looks from a few of the other customers waiting in the lobby.

 

Ronnie frantically texted back, eyes widening with nerves. His big fingers somehow hit most of the correct keys by the grace of some higher power.

 

**Ben: Fuck! I’m sorry. I’ve got my kids this weekend but you and I can still go out if you like or you can come over for dinner.**

 

Thinking to himself, 'Fuck you, Peterson! Why did I panic and give her a fake name? Why did I choose Ben Solo of all things?! I knew this was going to be a problem for later.' For the time being, he was just thrilled that she still wanted to meet with him. 

 

A beat later, his phone chimed again.

 

**Rey: I’d love to finally meet your kids! Then we can go to that new Chinese place you were telling me about the other day? :)**

 

A wave of calm washed over him and he felt his features soften into a smile. 

 

**Ben: We can do that for sure. See you soon.**

 

# # #

 

While the kids sat at the kitchen table eating pizza and enjoying Cokes that they weren’t allowed to have at their mother’s house, Ronnie took a quick shower, and changed out of his work uniform into a long-sleeved navy t-shirt and dark jeans with black tennis shoes.

 

He pushed his glasses up his nose as the speaker buzzed by the front door, and rushed out of the bathroom, damp hair refusing to lay down over his forehead.

 

Not wanting to keep her waiting, he gave up on trying to tame his unruly hair, and invited Rey inside. She was cuter than Ronnie remembered, in a bright yellow, floral, off the shoulder peasant blouse and slim jeans. Her dark hair brushed against her bare shoulders. 

 

Barely twenty-five to his forty-three years, he wasn’t quite sure why she was attracted to him, but he wasn’t about to complain either. Rey was an IT specialist who worked in the basement of high rise full of executives and other employees at First Order Law & Associates and Resistance Realty. They met a couple months prior in the cereal aisle at the grocery store of all places and had been on a few coffee dates since then.  

 

Both of the kids craned their necks to look around the corner and see who had captivated their dad’s attention. Rey caught a glimpse of them peeking into the front entry and waved with a smile.

 

She glanced up at Ronnie, who was simultaneously trying to calm his nerves and tame his wild hair by raking a hand through it again, before stepping into the kitchen. 

 

“Hi, I’m Rey. I’m a friend of your dad’s. He’s mentioned so many great things about you guys.”

 

Max peered around her slender form to see his father nervously rubbing the back of his neck, with his head cocked to the side as he tended to do when anxious, and did his best to restrain an eye roll while swallowing.

 

Jasmine could tell that Rey was young, but if her dad was happy, then that was all that mattered. With all the friendly vibes Rey was radiating, she warmed up to her immediately. Maybe her dad would be able to keep them for good soon, she hoped. And she wouldn’t mind having a new, less grumpy, mother.   

 

“I’m Jasmine, and this is Max.” She pointed at her brother. “We usually live with our mom--”

 

“Are you gonna marry my dad?” Max interrupted.

 

Rey was speechless for a moment and turned to look at Ronnie. “It’s a little bit early for that.”

 

Jasmine put her hands together in a silent prayer, looking up at Rey as their father scolded him.

 

“Max! That’s enough from you!” exasperated and embarrassed, he didn’t register the meaning of the shared gaze between Rey and his daughter as he came up behind her to escort his date to the door. Feeling guilty for the earlier confusion and abandoning his children he almost never got to see, Ronnie added, “I’m really sorry! I forgot all about Rey coming over when I talked to your mom last week. Do you want us to stay here tonight?” 

 

Rey chewed her lip in anticipation, glancing back and forth between him and the kids. She really wouldn’t mind either option.

 

Max was the one to astound everyone. “It’s ok, dad. Go out and have fun.”

 

Ronnie raised his brows and frowned in surprise at the unexpected response. He was tempted to lightly rest his hand on the small of Rey’s back as they strolled toward the door, but he wasn’t sure if either of them were ready for that kind of PDA at this point in their relationship yet. 

 

“Eleven is bedtime. I’m sure I’ll be back by then. Just...behave, and don’t upset the neighbors.”

 

# # #

 

The only patrons in the new Ho Lin Wah restaurant on the corner down the street a couple blocks from the university where Ronnie worked, they sat at a window booth across from each other. Sipping her piping hot Oolong tea, Rey studied the menu to see what appealed to her. 

 

“You’re really good with them,” he said. Strangely enough, Ronnie did not feel the same ineptitude with Rey as he did with most anyone else. 

 

She looked over at him. Her right hand was lazily resting on the table and her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?” 

 

“The kids..um, my kids. They seem to really like you, which is more than can be said for the current situation they’re in. I’d love to be able to have full custody of them. But --” 

 

Ronnie paused as the waiter brought out platters of bbq pork fried rice, Mongolian beef and Happy Family stir fry. 

 

His head was bowed in concentration as they took turns filling their plates. 

 

“But yeah, the judge thinks that they need a mother influence instead. And I’m probably oversharing.” Letting out a defeated sigh, his gaze flickered around the small restaurant as Rey let out the most obscene moan that he had ever heard from her. 

 

“You should be able to find a different judge. They deserve to be happy living with a parent who wants them instead of buying their attention.” Rey shrugged and took another bite. 

 

Ronnie and Rey fell into easy conversation with each other, which was more than could be said for anyone else in his experience.

 

“Normally I don’t have to deal with that asshat. I just can drop off his repaired laptop with his secretary who does no wrong every Monday morning. But this morning when I clocked in, the head of First Order Law decided to change out all the computers so I had to show him how they worked. Hux was threatening to fire me on the spot if I didn’t change them back, like any of that was my idea in the first place.” Rey rolled her eyes as she regaled the headache she’d suffered. “Then he proceeds to tell me and Phasma...his secretary/’girlfriend’ that he just listened to a podcast that said too many women in the workplace create hostility. Seriously? If I didn’t need that job so badly, I’d take my paycheck and run someplace else.”

 

Ronnie’s grip tightened on his fork held inches from his mouth. If he could, he would personally wring that lawyer’s neck himself. There was no excuse to treat Rey or anyone that badly. 

 

Chewing the spicy Mongolian beef, he nearly choked as a loud thud hit the large window beside them. A figure pressed its hands and face to the glass to peer inside. Rey screamed loudly and scrambled out of the booth. Their dinner was forgotten as another figure ambled in through the front door. 

 

“Coffee?” the question was drawn out by the young man who had stumbled in, wearing a disheveled suit and missing part of the back of his head. It appeared he was some executive who had met his end before his morning fuel. 

 

“The hell? Ben, what’s happening?” Rey shrieked, petrified and stunned as she huddled under a booth in the back toward the kitchen. 

 

Ronnie was quick on his feet, looking around on the walls for a Samurai saber to defend them with. The kitchen staff was already yelling loudly and screaming in their native language. At that point, the name of the game was save yourself first. He had sincerely prayed to any higher power out there that this was long past him. 

 

The sheath tossed across the small room, he held the saber in his hands, one knee bent with foot in the air ready to swing. 

 

Rey peeked around the wall in morbid curiosity but grateful that Ronnie was defending them. 

 

With a swift whack, the head was separated from the body and rolled on the floor to land just feet away from her as she scrambled backward on her hands, a piercing scream exiting from her own lungs. 

 

Ronnie whirled around and scanned under the tables in the back of the restaurant, looking for Rey. He needed to rush her to safety and check on his children. While his apartment was in a very secure building, it was still his duty to make sure they were safe. They didn’t need to be exposed to this madness.

 

Rey’s small hand in his larger one as they stood in the street, taking in the insane scene, still holding the saber in his other, they looked around. It could almost be described as slow motion. 

 

Electricity crackled as transformers were knocked to the ground. Reporters, known as a whole as being dumber than a box of rocks for heading straight into the eye of the storm, were already filming their stories. At least one videographer had been attacked but that wasn’t stopping anyone. 

 

Across the street from the Chinese restaurant, at a fancy place that didn’t list prices and the portions were microscopic, Mindy and her new rich asshole stood on the sidewalk as he lit a cigarette, unaware for a brief moment of the chaos in front of them. She screamed and tugged at his arm. This was the last thing she wanted to relive. He looked up, taking a long drag on the cigarette and shoved her off his arm, intending to run across the street to the paid parking lot to get in his vehicle. He was barely a few steps off the sidewalk when one of the undead grabbed him and bit at his neck, blood spewing everywhere. 

 

Her throat starting to go hoarse from the screaming, which she knew from experience didn’t help anything, she turned around. Feeling like she was standing still as the world around her fell apart again, Mindy caught a clear glimpse of Ronnie across the street with a young girl barely twenty-something. Seeing him so protective of someone else who obviously took her place, regret washed over her like a tidal wave. Every fight she and Ronnie had flashed in front of her like a movie. Even at their best, they barely tolerated each other. At this point, Mindy decided she would just move on and pray for a better future, and wish him and his new girl the best of luck. They were going to need it.

 

Ronnie looked around, strategizing what he needed to do to get them to safety, relying on his memory from some fifteen odd years prior. 

 

In a tone that could be taken as pessimistic, he muttered “This is going to end badly.” 

 

He knew he couldn’t fight them all off himself and wasn’t about to try. His kids and Rey were his priority. The apartment building was very secure so it would take a miracle for any of the undead to break in, but Ronnie needed to make sure they were safe, regardless. He also felt the need to come clean to her too. 

 

“Rey...I need to tell you something. My name isn’t Ben Solo. I...don’t know why I didn’t tell you before, but I wanted to start a new life after what I came from. And you deserve better than anything I could give you.” 

 

There it was. She could walk away if she wanted. He would be crushed if she did, but would understand why. Ronnie was surprised when Rey stood on her tiptoes, holding his face in her free hand and kissing him senseless. 

 

“I don’t care.” She grinned up at him. “You have your reasons, whatever those are. I just want to be with you until the end. I’ve had a major crush on you for weeks and want to see where it goes.” 

 

Rey leaned up to kiss him again, which he deepened for a second before dragging her with him. The roller-skate car could be replaced. They needed to get back to the apartment to check on the kids, and they could stay holed up as long as necessary. 

  
  


 


End file.
